Using Right Speech With Yourself

The Buddha saw that we are always engaged in relationships, starting with that most significant relationship: the one with ourselves. On the cushion we notice how we speak to ourselves—sometimes with compassion, sometimes with judgement or impatience. Our words are a powerful medium with which we can bring happiness or cause suffering.   - Allan Lokos, "Skillful Speech"

I was sitting at my laptop this morning, trying to send out emails to friends and family.  My email was acting strange, and stopping, not refreshing, or simply not sending out my outbound mail.  I started to get frustrated.  I started to watch myself talk to myself.  I saw that I was not upset with the email or with the computer.  I was upset with myself for not being able to FIX IT.  I realized that the words I was saying were unkind and not helpful.  I realized how unrealistic my actions were.  

Where did this come from?  Where did it send me?  I think that the words came from the shadow side of me that remembers the unkind things that people have said in the past – things about how I was unworthy, or stupid, or…..   Well, you get the picture.  I think that most of the time that words like that can send us down a dark current that moves us away from the light.  

I am now back on track.  This is a good day for you to get on track as well. 

Blessings, 

Judy

What Is Your Hot Button?

We all have personal sensitivities—“hot buttons”—that are evoked in close relationships. Mindfulness practice helps us to identify them and disengage from our habitual reactions, so that we can reconnect with our partners. We can mindfully address recurring problems with a simple four-step technique: (1) Feel the emotional pain of disconnection, (2) Accept that the pain is a natural and healthy sign of disconnection, and the need to make a change, (3) Compassionately explore the personal issues or beliefs being evoked within yourself, (4) Trust that a skillful response will arise at the right moment.  – Christopher Germer, "Getting Along"

I read this quote and realized how appropriate it is for these times when we are all on a short fuse and anxious about what will happen.  I wondered how many people are finding that the hot buttons that they thought were dealt with are now popping up in the most odd places, and anger is being triggered.  Or perhaps it is not anger, it is simply the huge reaction (emotional) that you have to something.  Triggers are all about learning – around self, family, and beliefs. 

What beliefs do you carry that are not helping you?  What values are out dated?  What people are no longer going to be part of your life because you need to move on? 

These questions are ones that we see pop up everyday.  How are you handling them?

Blessings,

Judy

New Year’s Day - January 1 2024

 

It is here!  The New Year!  2024! 

We all look forward to a wonderful, fresh start when a new year rolls around.  What are you looking for?  Improved health?  A new job?  Better relationships with family and friends?  A trip to a faraway place?

These are all wonderful goals.  Before you look to the future, take a few minutes to think about what things did not go well in 2023.  See if you can decipher why those events went from perfect to chaos.  Remember to take responsibility if you had a role in why things did not go according to plan.  If the fault was another person or group of people, maybe look at whether you need to have them in your life.  We all need to shed the things and people that do not serve our life.

I suggest that you add a couple of things to your goals.  These are:

-regular exercise

-meditation at least once a week or more

-deciding to put healthy, wholesome food into your body

-being loving everyday

I do wish each of you a fantastic 2024!  I believe that for all the wars and corruption in our politics around the world, that 2024 will be a positive year for all people, if the person lets it be.

Happy New Year!

Many blessings,

Judy

New Year’s Eve - Dec 31 2023

 GOOD BYE, 2023!

I hope that you get to party with family or with friends.  I hope that you celebrate all the good things that happened this year.  I hope that you bless the things that did not go according to plan and set them behind you.

I think that we celebrate the ending of each year because we believe the next year will be so much better!  We all hope to find new ways of doing things, lots of abundance, lots of love from new relationships and from existing friends and family.

I wish you a happy New Year’s Eve!

Blessings,

Judy

The Garage Door Test

      Picture from Valley Garage Doors at ValleyGaragedoors.com

My husband and I watched “The Good Fight” TV show on Netflix the other night.  We were both struck by the words of wisdom from the television Mother to her daughter.  The daughter did not know whether her lover was the right partner for her, or not.  Mother said to use the “garage door test” to determine if he was the right person or not.  

The way the test works is when you are driving up to the garage and you open the door are you happy the person’s car is there and that he/she is home, or does it make you sad or irritated.  If you don’t have a garage, when you see the person’s car parked by your residence, does it make you happy or sad/annoyed.

What the Mother was really saying is that the “garage door test” is a way to discern how you feel about the other person and it can be used to determine if you love the other person.  Now remember that love is not just about couples but also applies to your friends and family.  How do you feel about them?  The garage door test or car test works.

This test is a great way to gage love in your life.  My husband and I talked about how we feel when we come home and the other person’s car is not in the garage.  Each of us feels a little sad because we were looking forward to coming home and sharing what the day or event that we were at, was like.

I don’t believe that this test is the only way to determine love.  It is an interesting way.  It makes sense.  It provides a quick evaluation of the balance of life in the relationship.  It sums up where the relationship should go.

In the world, even in the Universe, there is no sure way to determine love because love is not visible and it is so emotional.  Perhaps this is a new tool for us all to use.

Many blessings,

Judy

Leaving a Toxic Relationship

A question came in from a reader about how to go about leaving a toxic relationship.  This is a post that I did on another blog about five years ago.  The problem and solutions have not changed in the past five years.  I hope that each reader finds this helpful.

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Life is about exploring new things, practicing skills to become masterful at them, and its about meeting new people and having new experiences.

What do you do if your life has a toxic situation in it – for example a toxic person or toxic group? Well, you need to let go of them.  How do you recognize these people?  

Qualities of a Toxic Person

Life coach Cheryl Richardson describes five types of toxic qualities in people:

• Blamer (keeps complaining)
• Drainer (always needs you and contacts you only when he needs you)
• Shamer (keeps criticising you)
• Discounter (discounts or challenges everything you say)
• Gossip (keeps talking about others at their back)

If he/she is any or all of the above, you just get him/her out of your life, please. (From https://thoughtcatalog.com/surabhi-surendra/2016/08/this-is-how-you-let-go-of-a-toxic-relationship/)

Why You Need to Let A Toxic Person Go

The following advice comes from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/letting-go-of-unhealthy-relationships-and-rediscovering-yourself/.

If you, like me, have considered letting someone go, ask yourself these questions:

How do you feel in their presence: drained or alive? Does the person always have your best interests in mind? Do they belittle you when you share your feelings? Do they make promises and never follow up?

If you answered yes to the final two questions, it might be time to move on to make space in your life for healthy, happy relationships.

The Process of Letting Go Of A Toxic Relationship

(From https://tinybuddha.com/blog/letting-go-of-unhealthy-relationships-and-rediscovering-yourself/)

1. Express your feelings in a letter.

Focus on one relationship that’s draining you and write a letter to the person you want to let go. Pour out your feelings onto the paper. The letter can be as long or short as you want.

End the letter with, “I release you across all space and time. Thank you for helping me learn and grow.” Fold the paper, burn it, and bury it in the ground to signify a complete release to the universe. This particular ritual is magical. I instantly start to feel lighter.

2. Clear your physical space.

Physical cleaning is so helpful when you are letting go of the past. Our physical space is a representation of what we’re giving space in our life.

Sell or donate any gifts you received, and burn any letters from the person you’re tying to let go. You’re going to face a lot of resistance; you’ll come up with reasons to hold on to these things. Remind yourself that this crucial to moving on and feeling happier with yourself and your life.

3. Get clear on what you need.

Write down how you want to feel in your life and within your relationships.

This is how I want my life and relationships to feel:

• Alive
• Filled with laughter
• Supportive
• Loving
• Understanding

If you’re not sure how you want to feel on the whole, start with just the immediate future. How do you want to feel this month?

4. Start filling the empty space.

Now that you’ve created a safe space by releasing unhealthy relationships, write a list of activities that will help you feel and experience your desires. For example, you could join a dance group to feel alive.

Put a little time into your passion every day. Writing makes me come alive, so I make sure to write daily.  Any passion that you spend time on will be healing.

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As you start dedicating time to things that are important to you, the right people will come into your life—people who see and appreciate you for who you really are. 

Remember that this is information only and does take the place of medical advice from a doctor or mental health professional.  

Many blessings,

Judy

Lightstationwisdom@gmail.com

About Placing Trust

 

I recently watched the first “Avatar” movie as part of my preparation for watching the sequel - Avatar II. As I watched, it made me think about “trust”.  There are so many examples of trust and trust that is broken that one wonders how to trust anyone.

The Archangels tell us that we often put our trust in people that only wish to use and abuse us.  We need to find people that we can really trust – or people who can really say, "I see you" – the famous line from the movie, "Avatar". 

Often, people draw us in because they have an agenda that they think we can help them fulfill.  A relationship based on an agenda is a false friendship, and one that will let you down.

Today, check in and see where you place your trust.

Blessings,

Judy