Love Is A Choice!

Today, let us talk about love, or not to love.  A friend of mine was telling me a story about her issue with her boyfriend – she loves him, and loves him very much.  She would love the love to be unconditional.  However, he does things or has habits that are very contradictory to her belief and values system.  The hardest thing, for her, is that when she says that an action that he does is not agreeable to her, he immediately tells her why she is wrong and how right his action is – in other words, she must totally allow him to do what is right for him, and she has no rights.  This, I tell her, is imbalance.  Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and, the balance of how to integrate both person’s needs is the beauty and challenge of relationships.  If one person is not allowed to have rights, then it is time to move on – in political terms, there is a dictatorship.  

Then, one of my friends sent me this story.  I thought that I would share it with you.  

Love and blessings,

Judy

Don't Hope... Choose!

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about -the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly. This one occurred a mere two feet away from me. Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. 

He stopped right next to me to greet his family. First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other's face, I heard the father say, "It's so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, "Me, too, Dad!" 

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son's face in his hands said, "You're already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!" They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. 

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother's arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. 

The man said, "Hi, baby girl!" as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment. 

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I've saved the best for last!" and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. 

He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. "I love you so much!" They stared at each other's eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn't possibly be. 

I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm's length away from me. 

I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?" "Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those." he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife's face. "Well then, how long have you been away?" I asked the man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile."Two whole days!" 

Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he'd been gone for at least several weeks - if not months. I know my expression betrayed me, I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!" 

The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, "Don't hope, friend... decide!" Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, "God bless!" With that, he and his family turned and strode away together. 

I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, "What'cha looking at?" Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, "My future!" 

- Author Unknown

******************************

What Is Your Hot Button?

We all have personal sensitivities—“hot buttons”—that are evoked in close relationships. Mindfulness practice helps us to identify them and disengage from our habitual reactions, so that we can reconnect with our partners. We can mindfully address recurring problems with a simple four-step technique: (1) Feel the emotional pain of disconnection, (2) Accept that the pain is a natural and healthy sign of disconnection, and the need to make a change, (3) Compassionately explore the personal issues or beliefs being evoked within yourself, (4) Trust that a skillful response will arise at the right moment.  – Christopher Germer, "Getting Along"

I read this quote and realized how appropriate it is for these times when we are all on a short fuse and anxious about what will happen.  I wondered how many people are finding that the hot buttons that they thought were dealt with are now popping up in the most odd places, and anger is being triggered.  Or perhaps it is not anger, it is simply the huge reaction (emotional) that you have to something.  Triggers are all about learning – around self, family, and beliefs. 

What beliefs do you carry that are not helping you?  What values are out dated?  What people are no longer going to be part of your life because you need to move on? 

These questions are ones that we see pop up everyday.  How are you handling them?

Blessings,

Judy

Buddha’s Advice on “Who Do You Believe?”

Last week, I had a question from a reader who wanted to know about information in a book they were reading.  The question was to ask me to confirm if the book was correct or not in what it was saying.  

This is a tough question because depending on the book, and when the book was written, the information may have been true at the time, and now in the 21st century, it may be proven false. 

When I wonder about information because something about it doesn’t ring true, I go back to the words of Buddha.  In his teaching that has become known as the “Kalama Sutta”.  The word “Kalama” refers to the people in the village in a township in India that had the question around “what is the correct teaching?”.  The word “sutta” has a complex meaning.  However, for simplicity’s sake, let’s agree that it means “rules”.  The teaching then, is “Rules for the Kalama”.  The principles are sound.  Buddha says not to take anything on face value.

Well, I won’t say anymore.  Read this and you will see how sound this advice is.  But, don’t take my word for it!  (Smile.)

Judy

  

Kalama Sutta

The people of Kalama asked the Buddha who to believe out of all the ascetics, sages, venerables, and holy ones who, like himself, passed through their town. They complained that they were confused by the many contradictions they discovered in what they heard. The Kalama Sutta is the Buddha's reply. 

• Do not believe anything on mere hearsay. 
• Do not believe in traditions merely because they are old and have been handed down for many generations and in many places. 
• Do not believe anything on account of rumors or because people talk a a great deal about it. 
• Do not believe anything because you are shown the written testimony of some ancient sage. 
• Do not believe in what you have fancied, thinking that, because it is extraordinary, it must have been inspired by a god or other wonderful being. 
• Do not believe anything merely because presumption is in its favor, or because the custom of many years inclines you to take it as true. 
• Do not believe anything merely on the authority of your teachers and priests. 
• But, whatever, after thorough investigation and reflection, you find to agree with reason and experience, as conducive to the good and benefit of one and all and of the world at large, accept only that as true, and shape your life in accordance with it. 
• The same text, said the Buddha, must be applied to his own teachings. 
• Do not accept any doctrine from reverence, but first try it as gold is tried by fire. 

                                                           ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

Many blessings,

Judy

Does Karma Take Too Long?

 

I saw this poster, and thought,

“That is the problem we have today, everyone would rather fight than try to work things out.  I think that it is a product of impatience, and ego, and training.  We have learned through history that the one with the bigger stick seems to win.  So, that is what we focus on – winning.  Winning is really a form of losing when the solution only solves the problem for one person or group.  If you win, you have failed, as a leader, because not everyone is happy.  While I agree that there are some folks that you will probably never satisfy, the majority are happy and look for solutions to what keeps them from doing their job, or from living their life in peace and with ease.”

Perhaps I am wrong in my thoughts. Perhaps this poster has it right.  Perhaps we should defend ourselves, and do what is in our power to prevail over others with our own thoughts and values.  

What are your thoughts?

Blessings

Judy