Leaving a Toxic Relationship

A question came in from a reader about how to go about leaving a toxic relationship.  This is a post that I did on another blog about five years ago.  The problem and solutions have not changed in the past five years.  I hope that each reader finds this helpful.

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Life is about exploring new things, practicing skills to become masterful at them, and its about meeting new people and having new experiences.

What do you do if your life has a toxic situation in it – for example a toxic person or toxic group? Well, you need to let go of them.  How do you recognize these people?  

Qualities of a Toxic Person

Life coach Cheryl Richardson describes five types of toxic qualities in people:

• Blamer (keeps complaining)
• Drainer (always needs you and contacts you only when he needs you)
• Shamer (keeps criticising you)
• Discounter (discounts or challenges everything you say)
• Gossip (keeps talking about others at their back)

If he/she is any or all of the above, you just get him/her out of your life, please. (From https://thoughtcatalog.com/surabhi-surendra/2016/08/this-is-how-you-let-go-of-a-toxic-relationship/)

Why You Need to Let A Toxic Person Go

The following advice comes from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/letting-go-of-unhealthy-relationships-and-rediscovering-yourself/.

If you, like me, have considered letting someone go, ask yourself these questions:

How do you feel in their presence: drained or alive? Does the person always have your best interests in mind? Do they belittle you when you share your feelings? Do they make promises and never follow up?

If you answered yes to the final two questions, it might be time to move on to make space in your life for healthy, happy relationships.

The Process of Letting Go Of A Toxic Relationship

(From https://tinybuddha.com/blog/letting-go-of-unhealthy-relationships-and-rediscovering-yourself/)

1. Express your feelings in a letter.

Focus on one relationship that’s draining you and write a letter to the person you want to let go. Pour out your feelings onto the paper. The letter can be as long or short as you want.

End the letter with, “I release you across all space and time. Thank you for helping me learn and grow.” Fold the paper, burn it, and bury it in the ground to signify a complete release to the universe. This particular ritual is magical. I instantly start to feel lighter.

2. Clear your physical space.

Physical cleaning is so helpful when you are letting go of the past. Our physical space is a representation of what we’re giving space in our life.

Sell or donate any gifts you received, and burn any letters from the person you’re tying to let go. You’re going to face a lot of resistance; you’ll come up with reasons to hold on to these things. Remind yourself that this crucial to moving on and feeling happier with yourself and your life.

3. Get clear on what you need.

Write down how you want to feel in your life and within your relationships.

This is how I want my life and relationships to feel:

• Alive
• Filled with laughter
• Supportive
• Loving
• Understanding

If you’re not sure how you want to feel on the whole, start with just the immediate future. How do you want to feel this month?

4. Start filling the empty space.

Now that you’ve created a safe space by releasing unhealthy relationships, write a list of activities that will help you feel and experience your desires. For example, you could join a dance group to feel alive.

Put a little time into your passion every day. Writing makes me come alive, so I make sure to write daily.  Any passion that you spend time on will be healing.

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As you start dedicating time to things that are important to you, the right people will come into your life—people who see and appreciate you for who you really are. 

Remember that this is information only and does take the place of medical advice from a doctor or mental health professional.  

Many blessings,

Judy

Lightstationwisdom@gmail.com

Using Meditation to Promote Healing

 

                                          Picture is by Judy Hirst, taken at a beach on Kawai in 2015

The other night, I could not sleep as my back was hurting from two hours of polishing the oak walls and shelves in our family room.  This winter, with some very cold days, was drying out the wood.  I lay in bed and contemplated life.  I felt a a pressure to meditate so I did. 

Many years ago I learned a process in BodyTalk (TM) that helped us create a very safe place in celestial space.  For me, the space that I created was a house that had a library, office, lovely living room/sitting area, a healing room and a gym area. I worked through the process to sink into the meditation and into calmness.

In my meditation, I found that I had new caretakers for my library.  Three beautiful white horses named Beauty, Hope, and Grace, looked after the library and kept the place clean and organized and acted as security.  When I asked if they had any wisdom  for me, the advice they gave was that I needed to eat a lot more green... lettuce, cabbage, spinach, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, and include a lot of fruit.  They also said that I needed to walk and exercise to get stronger to carry the vibrations of change that are coming with the Equinox.

After visiting with the horses, I went to my healing room and lay on the bed of healing light, asking it to send healing waves into my back and shoulders.  I lay there for what seemed like a long time.  When I moved off the bed, I felt lighter.

It was time to come back.  I followed the process to come out of the meditation and came to awareness at 4:45am.  I wiggled my back.  It felt so good!  The aches were gone.  I drifted off to sleep.

Note:

You can find out more about the BodyTalk System at IBA Global Healing | Home (bodytalksystem.com).  Note that I am not promoting this site, I am simply providing it as a reference.  I do not benefit or profit from making this reference.

Many blessings,

Judy 

email me at lightstationwisdom@gmail.com

Thoughts from a Young Colt - Spirit Animal

 

Sometimes, in that space between being absolutely asleep and wide awake, we doze.  In that dozing time, we are open to new information.  Often, a Spirit Animal will wander in to share some thoughts, some guidance, or tell a story.  The story below comes in that fuzzy, sleepy state, from a young colt that I met.

I come into this world with absolute delight!  All is new! I have the memories of those who came before me to guide me, as I discover the place around me.  I am innocent of doing any harm to anyone.  I know I am part of the herd, and that the herd takes care of me.  When I am older, I too will be in the herd that cares for all the foals.  This is the way Nature intended for Horse to move upon the Earth.  Even though someday I will run fast, and run free, I know that the survival of the herd depends on how each of us does their part.  We move from pasture to pasture to conserve the grasses and shrubs that we like, to give them a chance to regenerate.  Horses, like other animals, care for the Earth because it is our home.  The Earth, in turn, cares for us, and provides for us for food, sleeping, playing, foaling, fighting, and flourishing.  I look up and see my dam peacefully eating and keeping an eye on me at the same time.  I know that I am cared for.  I feel that warmth of affection wrap around me from other members of the herd.  While I know they will discipline me if I step out of line, they will do me no harm.  And while I am young, they will make my life as easy and safe as they can.   I am content!

Many blessings,

Judy

Finding Peace When The Day Is Stressful

 

This picture is of Fish Creek in the summer in Fish Creek Provincial Park.

Many folks carry a lot of stress around with them…from work, from family, from financial worries or health worries.  When stress is building up, even those things that are usually seen as “normal” add to the stress. 

I worked with a teacher for two years in the early 2000’s. One of his best lessons for me was to teach me to deal with stress by finding peace.  He would lead me through meditation to different places to see where I felt the most comfortable….a beach on the ocean, a lake where animals come to drink, a mountain ledge easily accessible, a cloud, beneath a tree, and we tried different trees, on a rock, up a tree, by a creek, in a forest glade, by a waterfall, in the middle of a meadow, and even on a monastery.  Each meditation relaxed me and gave me shades of peace.  The place where I felt the most peace was by running/moving water with a forest close by. 

For years, as I felt stress, I closed my eyes and went to that place where the water was running with the forest in the background.  As time passed, the vision of the place changed.  Sometimes it was an ocean with waves rolling up on the shore and the forest in the background. Sometimes it was a large lake that was mirror still with a forest growing almost to the water’s edge.  The vision slowed my thoughts, cooled anger and frustration, and relaxed my muscles, especially in my shoulders.  

In the beginning, it would take up to 25 minutes to get peace.  If it was a tough day, then it took longer.  Eventually I could find peace in two to three minutes, and what a difference it made to my work performance!  

The lessons that my teacher taught me about finding peace in a stressful day are:

• In meditation, people will tell you to go to your comfortable or safe space.  One does not know what that space is until all the options are explored.
• Finding one’s peaceful, safe place is a process and the safe place may change over time.
• There is not a magic time that it takes everyone to get to their peaceful place.
• Like many actions, getting to the peaceful place takes a lot of practice.
• Arriving at the peaceful, blissful state is worth the work.

Blessings.

Judy