Hold Out Your Hand

The Simple Act of Attention

Empathy naturally leads to compassionate action. But simple inattention kills empathy, let alone compassion. So the first step in compassion is to notice the other's need. It all begins with the simple act of attention.

Daniel Goleman, “I Feel Your Brain”

When someone sees something wrong or someone who appears hurt, the common reaction is to ignore the situation or the person because people do not want to get involved.  This is the inattention that Daniel Goleman talks about.  

Our ancestors always reached out a helping hand to those around them.  It was the right thing to do.  It was the best way to survive.  That has changed to an attitude of self interest or selfishness. 

We are not surviving. 

Many blessings to you this day,

Judy

Compassion For All

The poster reads, “Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike, each has their suffering.” - Buddha

I am seeing more people go out of their way to help others.  Still, many people try to put down others, one-up the people around them, and compete with others.  These actions are not the way of love and compassion.

I wish for you to find tolerance for others, kindness for all, and compassion for those having trouble.

Blessings,

Judy

A Dream Of Turkeys

My dream last night was so very strange.  I dreamed of riding in a car with a big man.  He took me to a farm yard, and told me that the turkeys that I could see were dehydrated, and that they had been in a great fire.  If they did not get water, they would die.  He asked me if I could water them, and I replied yes.

I jumped out of the car while he drove off to get more help.  I found a pail of water in the yard, covered with white feathers.  About 1/4 of mile away, I could see a small lake.  I wondered why the turkeys did not go to the lake.  I checked the water in the pail, and it was clear. I started pushing turkeys to the pail, and soaking their beaks.  Some finally began to drink.  I ran to a shed to get more pails.  I had to look hard for pails that were not cracked.  

As I came back to the turkeys, I saw one turkey fly up on the pail, and tip it over.  The water soaked into the ground.  I carried two pails of water – one for each end of the flock – and shoved turkeys to the pails, and soaked their beaks.  I heard a noise from the other side of the flock, where a bunch of turkeys were trying to drink, and saw one bigger turkey trying to chase the others away from the pail.  He finally flew up on the edge of the pail, and of course, tipped it, and all the water flowed away.  

I carried water until I thought my arms would fall off.  Some turkeys got water, however, they tipped the pails, fought over the pails, and generally wasted more water than they drank.  Some of the turkeys did not get water, and they were falling on the ground, dying.  I was upset!  I finally was so tired I took one of the empty pails, and turned it over and sat and cried.

The man in the car came back, with some help, but it seemed too late.  He patted my shoulder and told me that I had done a good job.  He and the others would burn the dead turkeys and give the turkeys that could drink, some more water.  

At that point, I woke up.  I knew the dream was telling me  a story.  The story felt like a parable about people.  This dream will stay with me a long time!

Many blessings,

Judy

About Dying Slowly

I was listening to a friend of a friend talk about how awful and sad their life was.  She did not have one good thing to say about her life or life in general.  It seemed to me that she was dying very slowly.  Then, this poem popped up for me.  I think the poem says it all.

********************

YOU START DYING SLOWLY!

You start dying slowly ;
if you do not travel,
if you do not read,
If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
If you do not appreciate yourself.
You start dying slowly :
When you kill your self-esteem,
When you do not let others help you.

You start dying slowly ;
If you become a slave of your habits,
Walking everyday on the same paths…
If you do not change your routine,
If you do not wear different colours
Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.

You start dying slowly :
If you avoid to feel passion
And their turbulent emotions;
Those which make your eyes glisten
And your heart beat fast.

You start dying slowly :
If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain
If you do not go after a dream
If you do not allow yourself
At least once in your lifetime
To run away from sensible advice
Don't let yourself die slowly
Do not forget to be happy!
~ Pablo Neruda♡
Chilean poet who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1971

Many blessings,

Judy

50 Golden Rules For Life

Picture of mountains in Elbow Falls Wilderness Area - by J. Hirst

Often, I find that I need a pick-me-up mental or spiritual boost on some morning.  I read a lot and sometimes find nuggets of good information in places I do not expect to find anything useful.

Last month, I was scanning LinkedIn and found this wonderful posting by Alvin Foo on LinkedIn on February 24 2024.  His thoughts and his rules for life are worth sharing.

50 GOLDEN RULES FOR LIFE.

1. Never shake hands at anyone without standing up.

2. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

3. If they trust you a secret, keep it.

4. If they lend you a car, return it with a full tank.

5. Do things with passion or don't do it at all.

6. When you shake your hand make it firm and look that person in the eye.

7. Live the experience of traveling alone.

8. Never turn down a peppermint pill, the reasons are obvious.

9. Take advice if you want to grow old.

10. Come eat with the new person at school/office.

11. When you text someone and you're angry: finish, read it, delete it, and rewrite the message.

12. At the table you don't talk about work, politics, or religion.

13. Write your goals, and work on them.

14. Defend your point of view but be tolerant and respectful to others.

15. Call and visit your relatives.

16. Never regret anything, learn from everything

17. Honor and loyalty must be present in your personality.

18. Don't lend money to someone you know won't pay you back.

19. Believe in something.

20. Tend your bed when you wake up in the mornings.

21. Sing in the shower.

22. Care for a plant or a garden.

23. Keep an eye on the sky every chance you get.

24. Discover your skills and exploit them.

25. Love your job or leave it.

26. Ask for help when you need it.

27. Teach someone a value, preferably a small one.

28. Appreciate and thank the one who extends your hand.

29. Be kind to your neighbors.

30. Make someone's day happier, it will make you happier too.

31. Compete with yourself.

32 Treat yourself at least once a year

33. Take care of your health.

34. Always greet with a smile.

35. Think fast but speak slow.

36. Don't talk with a mouth full.

37. Polish your shoes, cut your nails, and always keep a good look.

38. Don't put your opinion on issues you don't know.

39. Never mistreat anyone.

40. Live your life as if it were the last day of it.

41. Never miss a wonderful opportunity to remain quiet.

42. Recognize someone for their effort.

43. Be humble, even though not all the time.

44. Never forget your roots.

45. Travel when you can.

46. Give up the step.

47 Dance in the rain.

48. Seek your success without giving up.

49. Be fair, stand up for those who need you.

50. Learn to enjoy moments of loneliness.

Many blessings,

Judy

Overcoming Helplessness

Picture of clouds lifting from Microsoft Clip Art…

 

 

I had a question from a reader asking how one can overcome helplessness.  It was not clear if the helplessness was for the person or for a friend.  Keep in mind that often helplessness is a learned behaviour . It is learned from parents who tell you that you cannot do anything and therefore do everything for you.  And it can come from an injury or illness where others must do everything for you because you are helpless at the time.  Then, being helpless feels comfortable because one is used to it.  Helplessness becomes a way of life.

Some of the tools that I use in coaching folks on how to move beyond helplessness, comes from a book Helplessness by Martin E. P. Seligman.  If you feel helpless or you have someone that you see as helpless or powerless in your life, try this, and read the book.

“Helplessness, then, can be recognized by: 

1. Lack of motivation, listlessness. 
2. Cognitive breakdown between actions and outcomes - inability to link actions to the consequences they bring about - also manifests as blaming others or external factors for your situation, condition, and outcomes. 
3. Negative emotions: boredom, anxiety, frustration, anger, hopelessness, depression (sometimes suicidal).

Apply this procedure to cure helplessness: 

1. Recognize your helplessness, lack of motivation, listlessness. 
2. Recognize that as a baby and subsequently you've had many experiences where you were unable to control consequences or outcomes. 
3. Recognize your negative emotions: boredom, anxiety, frustration, anger, hopelessness, depression. Acknowledge them to yourself, for example, by saying, "I recognize that I feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed." 
4. Consciously and deliberately choose to experience any or all of these emotions. Make a cognitive link between that choice and what you experience, for example, by saying to yourself, "I consciously decide to feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed. Therefore I feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed." 
5. Perform a simple action such as washing the dishes or combing your hair. Observe the consequences or outcome. Form a cognitive link between your action and its outcome. (Examples below.) 
6. Divide a sheet of paper into three columns. In the second column list both positive and negative outcomes you've experienced during the past 24 hours, including emotions. In the first column write down your corresponding actions or inactions that preceded those outcomes. In the third column write down the causal or cognitive links between actions/inactions and outcomes. Consider only your own actions and inactions. (How to express the causal or cognitive link is explained below.) 
7. Don't blame others or external factors for anything.
8. Pat yourself on the back for all the positive consequences you did produce.” 

from Helplessness by Martin E. P. Seligman

Blessings,

Judy

You are a Visitor Here

  

   "Lady Traveler" from Microsoft Clip Art....

 

                                                           I have been experiencing many different lessons of life over the past twenty years.  Early in this adventure, after each experience, I usually would say, "Wow!  That was intense! I am glad that I am through that!"  As I grew older and wiser, I realized that the lessons were the journey. And, as I traveled around the world, I realized that the lessons of life were very much paralleled by the challenges one faces traveling in different countries where we cannot communicate in a common language and thus revert to signing and engaging in a genuine exchange.  Words do limit how another interprets what one says. 

I had pretty much forgotten about my earlier discoveries as I am busy learning new things all the time.  Then, the other day, I found this passage when I was working through some Buddhist teachings.  I loved the phrasing!  It took me back to the earlier times when I was a visitor in so many countries and cities.  

May you enjoy this teaching as I did!

                                      Dhammavadaka

Remember always that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. Your stay is but short and the moment of your departure unknown.

None can live without toil and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil without rest, fatigue and weariness will overtake you, and you will denied the joy that comes from labour's end.

Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others.

Be near when help is needed, but far when praise and thanks are being offered.

Take small account of might, wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love within you and and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for many wounds.

Treasure silence when you find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone with yourself.  
Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you really are.

Despite all appearances, no one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth always you will offer more light, rather then blame and condemnation.  
You, no less than all beings have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements cause you to stumble and fall, let not remorse nor dark foreboding cast you down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk on.  

Faith is like a lamp and wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always and in good time the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light. 

Note - I believe this was written by  Shravasti Dhammika ... I thank you for this writing.

Blessings,

Judy