Overcoming Helplessness

Picture of clouds lifting from Microsoft Clip Art…

 

 

I had a question from a reader asking how one can overcome helplessness.  It was not clear if the helplessness was for the person or for a friend.  Keep in mind that often helplessness is a learned behaviour . It is learned from parents who tell you that you cannot do anything and therefore do everything for you.  And it can come from an injury or illness where others must do everything for you because you are helpless at the time.  Then, being helpless feels comfortable because one is used to it.  Helplessness becomes a way of life.

Some of the tools that I use in coaching folks on how to move beyond helplessness, comes from a book Helplessness by Martin E. P. Seligman.  If you feel helpless or you have someone that you see as helpless or powerless in your life, try this, and read the book.

“Helplessness, then, can be recognized by: 

1. Lack of motivation, listlessness. 
2. Cognitive breakdown between actions and outcomes - inability to link actions to the consequences they bring about - also manifests as blaming others or external factors for your situation, condition, and outcomes. 
3. Negative emotions: boredom, anxiety, frustration, anger, hopelessness, depression (sometimes suicidal).

Apply this procedure to cure helplessness: 

1. Recognize your helplessness, lack of motivation, listlessness. 
2. Recognize that as a baby and subsequently you've had many experiences where you were unable to control consequences or outcomes. 
3. Recognize your negative emotions: boredom, anxiety, frustration, anger, hopelessness, depression. Acknowledge them to yourself, for example, by saying, "I recognize that I feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed." 
4. Consciously and deliberately choose to experience any or all of these emotions. Make a cognitive link between that choice and what you experience, for example, by saying to yourself, "I consciously decide to feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed. Therefore I feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed." 
5. Perform a simple action such as washing the dishes or combing your hair. Observe the consequences or outcome. Form a cognitive link between your action and its outcome. (Examples below.) 
6. Divide a sheet of paper into three columns. In the second column list both positive and negative outcomes you've experienced during the past 24 hours, including emotions. In the first column write down your corresponding actions or inactions that preceded those outcomes. In the third column write down the causal or cognitive links between actions/inactions and outcomes. Consider only your own actions and inactions. (How to express the causal or cognitive link is explained below.) 
7. Don't blame others or external factors for anything.
8. Pat yourself on the back for all the positive consequences you did produce.” 

from Helplessness by Martin E. P. Seligman

Blessings,

Judy

You Never Walk Alone

 

The Ancestors tell us that we never walk alone.  They remind us that we carry all of the past people, our ancestors, with us.  They remind us that Great Spirit and Angels are always within reach, simply by asking for their presence.

The choice to feel alone and depressed is about choosing your reality.  There is not any need to feel alone or to feel depressed.  The depression is you mind bending you to its will.  

The times when you feel so alone, unloved, and you are moving into depression, call out to the Ancestors, to the Angels, and to your spirit guides.  You will soon have a crowd around you.

Today, give a silent prayer of thanks for those that came before you.  Thank them for the experiences that they had so they could create the wisdom that you inherited.

Blessings.

Judy

About Taking Things Too Personally

 

Do you know someone at work or in your family and group of friends that sees every comment or opinion as a criticism and a challenge to them?   I see some clients that do not know how to deal with other people's opinions.  They see it as criticism or being put down.  These folks have never learned to separate the concepts of feedback, coaching, criticism, and negative comments.  Everything is taken personally.  They over react. They are antagonistic. It makes them difficult to deal with and difficult to have as an employee or as a client, and even as a friend. They are so out of balance.

Who Are They?  As a generalization, this trait is dominant in people who are only children or youngest children.  Perhaps it is because they didn't have to share and get along with others, and therefore did not develop a "thicker skin" along the way. There seems to be an edge of anger to them in every situation.  And yes, there are exceptions.  Remember, this is a generalization.  

Is Change Possible?  It takes a lot of time, kindness, trust, and willingness to change to alter the behavior.  Most often, the person must work with a psychologist or other counsellor.  Once the change is made, the individual seems to go on to achieve remarkable goals and to grow in abundance.  

What If They Don’t Change?  If the change is not made, the person gets stuck in a rut where they see the world as against them.  The person may slide into depression and eventually become very depressed.  Some slide into drugs or alcohol, or both.  The spiral of behaviour is self destructive.

Many blessings,

Judy   

Contact me at lightstationwisdom@gmail.com