Overcoming Helplessness

Picture of clouds lifting from Microsoft Clip Art…

 

 

I had a question from a reader asking how one can overcome helplessness.  It was not clear if the helplessness was for the person or for a friend.  Keep in mind that often helplessness is a learned behaviour . It is learned from parents who tell you that you cannot do anything and therefore do everything for you.  And it can come from an injury or illness where others must do everything for you because you are helpless at the time.  Then, being helpless feels comfortable because one is used to it.  Helplessness becomes a way of life.

Some of the tools that I use in coaching folks on how to move beyond helplessness, comes from a book Helplessness by Martin E. P. Seligman.  If you feel helpless or you have someone that you see as helpless or powerless in your life, try this, and read the book.

“Helplessness, then, can be recognized by: 

1. Lack of motivation, listlessness. 
2. Cognitive breakdown between actions and outcomes - inability to link actions to the consequences they bring about - also manifests as blaming others or external factors for your situation, condition, and outcomes. 
3. Negative emotions: boredom, anxiety, frustration, anger, hopelessness, depression (sometimes suicidal).

Apply this procedure to cure helplessness: 

1. Recognize your helplessness, lack of motivation, listlessness. 
2. Recognize that as a baby and subsequently you've had many experiences where you were unable to control consequences or outcomes. 
3. Recognize your negative emotions: boredom, anxiety, frustration, anger, hopelessness, depression. Acknowledge them to yourself, for example, by saying, "I recognize that I feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed." 
4. Consciously and deliberately choose to experience any or all of these emotions. Make a cognitive link between that choice and what you experience, for example, by saying to yourself, "I consciously decide to feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed. Therefore I feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed." 
5. Perform a simple action such as washing the dishes or combing your hair. Observe the consequences or outcome. Form a cognitive link between your action and its outcome. (Examples below.) 
6. Divide a sheet of paper into three columns. In the second column list both positive and negative outcomes you've experienced during the past 24 hours, including emotions. In the first column write down your corresponding actions or inactions that preceded those outcomes. In the third column write down the causal or cognitive links between actions/inactions and outcomes. Consider only your own actions and inactions. (How to express the causal or cognitive link is explained below.) 
7. Don't blame others or external factors for anything.
8. Pat yourself on the back for all the positive consequences you did produce.” 

from Helplessness by Martin E. P. Seligman

Blessings,

Judy

Buddha’s Thoughts

At least once a week, I get an email or a phone call from a client that gives me pause to think about “why is that person acting or reacting like that?” I usually have a lot of wonderment around the question, and usually, within a day or two, I get a story or explanation for the behaviour. 

This morning I had a chat with a friend who was telling me that he/she would be fasting for the next ten days to help raise her/his vibration. And further, she/he would be avoiding all sweet things. 

I have learned that each person must do what seems right or best for him or her. However, the thought that sticks with me in all that I do is the vow of MODERATION that all those who take Munay-Ki must agree to. Moderation means that one is balanced in all things. Extreme fasting, or denying oneself, or forcing self to do things that are not for the highest good of the body temple are not in accordance with the Munay-Ki Vow. 

As I was reviewing my lesson in Buddhism, the following teaching story came up, and I received confirmation from Great Spirit that I was on the path of understanding that we need to be balanced in all things. Here is the story.

The Holy Man Who Tried To Be Too Holy (Extremism)

Once upon a time, the Enlightenment Being lived in a world where most religions were very similar. They taught that the way to remove suffering from the mind was to make the body suffer instead. As strange as it seems, most people thought that the holiest of the holy were the ones who tortured their bodies the most! Since everyone seemed to agree with this, the Bodhisatta decided to find out for himself if it was true.

He stopped living as an ordinary everyday person and became a holy man according to the custom of the times. This meant that he gave up everything, even his clothes. He went naked, with his body covered only by dust and dirt.

So he wouldn't be spoiled by the taste of good food, he forced himself to eat only filthy things - dirt, ashes, urine and cow dung.

So he could concentrate without being interrupted by anyone, he went to live in the most dangerous part of the forest. If he did see a human being, he ran away like a timid deer.

In the wintertime he spent his days under the trees and his nights out in the open. So in the daytime he was soaked by the cold water dripping from the icicles hanging from the tree branches. And at night he was covered by the falling snow. In this way, in winter, he made his body suffer the most extreme cold in both day and night.

In the summertime he spent his days out in the open and his nights under the trees. So in the daytime he was burned by the most severe rays of the sun. And at night he was blocked from the few cooling breezes of the open air. In this way, in summer, he made his body suffer the most extreme heat in both day and night.

This was how he struggled, trying to bring peace to his mind. He was so determined that he lived his entire life in this way.

Then, just as he was about to die, he saw a vision of himself reborn in a hell world. The vision struck him like lightning, and instantly he knew that all the ways he had tortured his body were completely useless! They had not brought him peace of mind. Lo and behold, as he gave up his false beliefs and held on to the truth, he died and was reborn in a heaven world!

May you find this helpful in all that you do today, and all days!

Blessings,

Judy

River Otter - Another Spirit Animal

 North America River Otter – picture from Wikipedia… 

 

Last night, in my dream, several river otters were transformed from carefree, playful creatures into an ankle length fur coat.  I could only see the back of the coat, and every once in a while, it seemed that an eye would open on the back of the coat and look at me.  I woke up this morning with this image in my head.  Years ago, when I worked for Hudson Bay Northern Stores, we would get in shipments of cured furs, including otter.  The pelts were very soft and warm.  Most often, the pelts would be made into coats or jackets.  I wondered why I was getting this sequence of events.  Then I realized that I needed to talk about spirit animals today, and Otter was telling me that I should write about her.

Otter was born with a great curiosity, and will investigate anything that strikes her fancy.  She brings a message that we should indulge our curiosity about all things, and take no ones word for anything. Otter also looks at things from land, the surface of the water and from beneath the water.  Perspective may change, depending on the angle one views life from… so do not limit your self to one view point.  Explore many.  

We hear the words “go with the flow” and do not really know what that means because humans are constantly trying to control everything around them.  Otter drifts on the water, and follows the current, truly moving as one with the environment.  When in this state, it is easy to relax, and enjoy life.  The message is that we humans should not take life so seriously.  

Otter’s ability to be on land or deep in the water – it will hold its breath for up to four minutes – is a message about learning to get in touch with one’s deepest emotions.  It gives the example of going deep in the water to get food and this tells us that delving deep into our emotions to free up pain is food for our soul.  

Family has deep meaning for Otter who takes care of her offspring for as a two years.  Additionally, Otters love company and live in social groups.  Conservationists have found Otter to be very gentle and trusting.  She will come up on the bank to visit.  Her openness teaches us that we too need to be more trusting, and to embrace new adventures with enthusiasm.  

I wish you “Otter” filled days!

Blessings,

Judy